1 Year ago today.

let it go,
let it roll right off your shoulder
don't you know
the hardest part is over
let it in,
let your clarity define you
in the end
we will only just remember how it feels

our lives are made
in these small hours
these little wonders,
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away,
but these small hours,
these small hours still remain

let it slide,
let your troubles fall behind you
let it shine
until you feel it all around you
and i don't mind
if it's me you need to turn to
we?ll get by,
it's the heart that really matters in the end

our lives are made
in these small hours
these little wonders,
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away,
but these small hours,
these small hours still remain

all of my regret
will wash away some how
but i can not forget
the way i feel right now

in these small hours
these little wonders
these twists & turns of fate
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away but these small hours
these small hours, still remain,
still remain
these little wonders
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away
but these small hours
these little wonders still remain

(Little Wonders by Rob Thomas)

Here is the link to the video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f1ra4OAYKeM

 

 

These are the lyrics from one of my favorite songs. It’s sums up what Jeff and I have been through in our 23 years of marriage. When I think about all the struggles we have been through this song always comes to mind.

We have been through Jeff getting laid off from a job after 10 years, Megan being born at 3 lbs. premature, Jeffrey being in a bad car accident, Jeff’s colon rupturing, and family deaths. But 1 year ago today our world was truly shaken. It was the thing that no one ever wants to hear. “You have cancer” “malignant” “chemotherapy”. It was 1 year ago today that I walked into my surgeons office with my mom and sisters and waited for him to come into the room and tell uswhat I already knew in my heart. I went back and read my early posts and I just can’t believe that a whole year has gone by. I neverthought I would get through it. But I did! I did it with the help of my family, relatives and friends. There were days on chemo when I just didn’t want to do it anymore, but I would go to the mailbox and I would get a beautiful card from someone and know that I had so much support and it kept me going. My mom was here for me on my worst days. I would call her at 11:00 at night crying and she would drop everything and come over. She was at every appointment and test with me. My sisters would come over and rub my legs and feet when I was in pain from the chemo. Sue brought me Resee Puffs at 10:00 one night when I told her I was craving them. And Pam would come over and clean my house like the white tornado.

Jeff was so good through everything. I know it was really hard for him. He couldn’t even look at me without his eyes filling up with tears for the first few weeks. He felt so bad because he couldn’t go to my appointments with me, but he had to work. He would call me all day to see if I was ok. Then he would come home and tell me how cute I looked with my little bald head.

My kids went through a lot too. They are older but still need their mom. They were so used to having a hands on mom who was always there for them and I was so tired and sick I just couldn’t be that mom they were used to. I know it was hard for them to see me like that but they were so mature about it.

One year! In that one year I have grown so much. I have learned to appreciate every single day. When I was at my worst I would tell my mom, “I can’t do this anymore” and “I will never be the same person again”.  Well I DID do it! As for being the same person…. I have to say I am the same person, but I see life different now. I’ve learned that I don’t have to complain about the little things. And I am a lot stronger than I ever thought I was.

Thanks to everyone who sent a card, an email, a gift, called me, or thought about me! I felt everyone’s love and still do.

And to all my friends that are still fighting this dreaded disease. Don’t stop fighting! You can do it.

My last Oncologist appointment for a while!

I went to the Oncologist last Wednesday and he reassured me that everything is fine! I am so happy. I have been so worried but he walked in the door and I said, “hi, it’s your two favorite people” (me and My mom) and he said your right! Then he said “congratulations!” Your MRI came back clean! I don’t have to go back and see him for 3 months. You don’t know how happy that makes me. I am so sick of that place. He said to go ahead and make the appointments to get my port out and he also thinks it is a good idea like my surgeon suggested that I get the colonoscopy at the same time. I have to call and make the appointment this week. Yay! I get to have my port out. Besides the boy haircut I have the port is one of the last remaining reminders that I HAD breast cancer. I like saying HAD! He also put me on some medicine for the neuropathy that I am having. (arms and feet going numb) He said it is nerve damage from the Taxotere. That was one of the chemo drugs I was on. I also have to take Centrum every day. I have to say though I am feeling like my old self again and I am loving it. I even started doing eBay again and am doing really good with it so far. I just need to get organized and put some more stuff on. The worst part of ebaying is mailing the stuff out. Sometimes I am at the post office 3 times a week. In fact they all know me there. They were great through the BC ordeal. I went in a couple times and they had gifts for me!

Baby Jeffrey is 2 months old already. He is so darn cute. He is smiling more and more every day. Bonnie went back to work so I am babysitting now. I love it. I am just glad I have the energy to do it.

Megan bought her first car. It is cute. It needs some work but it is her first car. We brought it home and she washed it and waxed it and vacuumed it all out. I bet it will be cleaner that her room!

Jeff and Bonnie are planning the party to celebrate their marriage. They mentioned having an 80’s themed party. How funny is that. I told them I will probably be able to spike my hair up with some glue by then. Maybe color it purple..hee hee. Hows that for the mother of the groom! They are excited about it. I know they wish they could have had a nice wedding but they are really happy that they are married.

I think we are going to an auction this weekend. We love to go to auctions I haven’t been going to many, but we did stop at one the other day. It’s funny because I keep running my hand through my hair (it’s a new habit I got since my hair started growing in). Well every time I would lift my hand and put in through my hair, Jeff would go “you just bid on that”. hee hee. Too funny.

I’m off to bed! It’s late. Take care!