I'm home.

I’m home. I came home Sunday afternoon. I can’t just go in and have surgery, I have to have every complication that comes along with it. But the good news is I am doing good now.

My mom got here Tuesday and had me to the hospital by 5:00 a.m. I didn’t sleep all night. I just stayed up because I was so nervous. The doctor came in and explained just what they were going to do and that is when I learned that I wouldn’t be having the laparoscopy surgery, they were going to do a bikini cut. Uggg….. The anesthesiologist came in and asked me if I wanted a epidural instead of having to have morphine afterward. I get really sick on pain meds so I had the epidural. I was so scared but they came in and put something in my I.V. and I don’t even remember them doing it. But I do remember wheeling into the operating room and seeing about 5 people getting things ready for the surgery, and what looked like a mound of tools on a cart!

I woke up asking a ton of questions, “am I done?, is it over, am I o.k., where’s my mom?” Then they took me to my room. They kept the spinal in for the rest of the day. Thank god because about 20 minutes after I got into my room I had an asthma attack and started coughing my guts out. I was doing good until then. Then I started pushing my little spinal pump to get make sure I was numb enough not to feel the coughs. They said I pushed it 2 times every half hour for about 10 hours..lol. The thing is, my right leg had got very numb and I couldn’t even lift it the next morning so they slowed it down to see if that would work. My left leg was fine, I could move it and push against the doctors hand but the other one was just dead! It was so frustrating. This went on for 2 days. They were really concerned and I was going to have a CT scan to see what was going on but I started to feel my toes after they adjusted the needle in my back. They took out the needle the next day and about 4 hours later I was starting to move my leg again. I had to walk with a walker to the bathroom and drag my numb leg along with me.

After the asthma attack they had to do an x-ray of my lungs. This is when they said I had fluid on my lungs probably from the surgery. So I had to stay in the hospital and get tons of steroids and breathing treatments. I gained 11 pounds in 1 week! I feel like a balloon! The good thing is I will be off the steroids slowly within the next week and the weight will come off.

My mom and Jeff were visiting one night and the Chaplin came in and asked me if I wanted to say a prayer. I told her that would be wonderful. So she turned to my mom and Jeff and said…”are these your parents?” The look on Jeff’s face was like…HUH WHAT??!!! She said the most beautiful prayer for me, it was very touching and I was very emotional, but after she left I almost split myself laughing!!! There’s Jeff with his grey beard being called my dad! HYSTERICAL!!! I laughed so much that I went into another coughing fit! Lolol

Well, I’m home now and I am doing good. I am just a little sore and I have taken myself off the pain pills because I just can’t handle them. I can’t stand how they make me feel. I have nightmares. If I stay on the couch and not try to move around the house too much I feel good.

I have been so depressed over my appearance lately that I have even cried to Jeff. My hair is bushy and weird, I have major dark circles under my eyes, and I was already having issues with my weight gain and now I have gained even more. I know I will be back to normal one day, but when I look back on my journal and see who I was in the beginning of this cancer journey, I feel so lost. I don’t see myself in the mirror anymore.

When I feel better I am starting an exercise routine and my goal is to be cute by springtime!!!!!

Update on my mom.

Hi, this is Trish's daughter, Megan. I'm just giving a quick update to let everyone know that her surgery went well. However, she is still in the Hospital. She was suppost to come home Thursday but they have kept her because of breathing problems. She was also suppost to come home today, but they are keeping her until her breathing improves.

Just wanted everyone to know...

Love, Megan.

Getting ready for surgery.

Just a quick entry. I am getting ready to go in for surgery. I have to be there at 5:00 a.m. Surgery is at 7:30. My mom is going to go with me. Jeff can't take off work so he will come and see me when he gets off work. I think I have to be there a couple days. I am not looking forward to this but I know it has to be done.

I have done so much in the last week. When I was going through chemo, I would lay on my couch and dream about getting the painting done so now it's done! My living room and Megan's room both have been painted. My mom, Sue and Pam all came over Wednesday and helped with the living room. I was walking in circles with a paint brush in my hand. lol. I HATE painting. Sue and my mom came over and stripped the border off the wall and started painting the windows. Then Sue had to leave for a while and left and me and mom there wondering what to do next so we did a second coat on the windows. Then I said to my mom..."don't worry, when Pam gets here she will have a plan!" lol... Pam came and went to town on the ceiling and had the whole room almost painted then Sue came back, and  did the second coat! Thank god for my family. Like I said I HATE PAINTING!! I used to love it when I was younger and didn't have so much stuff. I think it is moving all the stuff out of the room and the rest of the house being so unorganized that gets me. But now I have to say, it was worth it. Everything looks so nice. Thanks, mom, Sue and Pam! I love you guys!!!!

Well I can't eat or drink after midnight so I think I am off to get a cookie and a glass of milk.

Wow. It's been a while. I have been so busy! I have been working and getting things done around the house that I haven't done in a year! All the sudden my eyes have been open to my surroundings again, and I'm not liking what I see! When I was sick I didn't see it. I painted the bathroom last week and then I painted the hallway ceiling. I think I over did it though because this week I have zero energy. It has been so hot here and that doesn't help.  Sue and Pam are coming to help me finish up. Thank god for them!! I hate asking for help, I always did everything myself but I just have to come to realize I don't have the energy like I used to.

I found out last week that I am going to have surgery a week from today.  I am going to have a Oophorectomy and probably a complete hysterectomy. It is all for preventative reasons. I am at a high risk for cancer in those areas so the doctors recommend it. I still don't know how I feel about it yet but it will be less worry for me if I don't have the ovaries.  I am not looking forward to this at all but I am going to do what I have to do.

My friend Jacqui is coming from New Zealand in less than a month. I am so excited to see her. I can't wait to go to the airport and pick her up. We will probably be up the whole night talking that first night. We have so much to talk about. This is something we both only could dream about now it is happening. I only wish that I could go there and visit one day. My family is excited too. Can't wait!!!

We have been working at the Haunted House on the weekends. We have so much fun. Even my mom was there one night. We scare the crap out of people. And Jeff is so big that he really gets them. Mike, Pam, Sue, Megan, Jeffrey all go too. Sue runs it for the little league fundraiser so we all go and help out.  Megan and Karen did all the art work on the trailers and it looks so cool! I will try and get some pictures of it.

Baby Jeffrey is so cute! He is rolling over now and his personality is really starting to show. I love that little stinker!