Sunburns and tattoo's.

I’ve had 26 radiation zaps already! I can’t believe how fast this is going. I am getting a little crispy and it is really getting sore but I can handle it. You can see just where they are doing the radiation. It is like a bad sunburn that goes under my arm at where the lymph nodes were removed and goes across and under my breast. I have 3 more regular radiations and then I am getting 8 boosts. This is where they concentrate just on the spot where I had the lumpectomy. I was set up for that on Tuesday. The doctor came in and made all these dots all over me and then one of the guys that does my radiation came along and played follow the dots with permanent marker. So now I have a big black circle on my boob. It has to stay there for the rest of treatment. They touch it up everyday, plus he put something on it to make it more permanent. I start at the new place on Tuesday and I am going to miss the guys that do my radiation. I see them everyday! They have become a part of my life! They are so nice. And of course they know my life story because I’m chatty like that…hee hee. It is so funny we talk about how the weekend was, what they did, what I did, and all this while I am laying there with my boob hanging out. lol. My body is finally starting to get back to normal as far as stiffness goes. I can move a lot better now. I am still dealing with fatigue I am so exhausted all day and when I try to nap I can’t get to sleep! It is so frustrating. My stomach was nauseated for 4 days now and I finally decided it was all the pain medication I have been taking. The doctor has me on it 3 times a day to manage the pain in my arm and my legs and it is working on the pain but I am so sick to my stomach. Iccckkkk.

Guess what?  While I was at radiation getting marked up with permanent marker, Megan was with her friend getting a tattoo! She is 18 now so she didn’t have me there to do anything about it. Guess what she got? A breast cancer ribbon with a butterfly on it. She designed it herself and took the picture up to the...oh lord...ta..ta..ta..tattoo parlor. Do they still call it that? It is on her lower back and it is tiny but her dad is NOT happy…he won’t even look at it. She said, "mom I did it for you!” I have to say it is cute and I know this was her way of showing me how much she cared. But she is still a baby in my eyes..now she is has a tattoo to go along with her belly button ring, her dad may not recover from this. 

                                       

                                 Megan's tattoo. The little stinker!

Jeff and Bonnie put the crib put together and it is so cute. She has exactly 1 month until she is due! She has to go to the doctor 2 times a week for non stress tests. She goes to a high risk doctor and they are taking really good care of her. They did a 3D ultra sound the other day and you can see what the baby looks like! I came home and got out Jeffrey’s baby pictures and I swear it looks just like him as a newborn. How weird that they can do that. My ultra sounds were a fuzzy mess!

This weekend is the Relay for Life. It starts Saturday morning at 10:00 at Heritage Park in Taylor. I was told that they would like for me to help carry the banner this year for the survivor lap. I told Jeff and he said…“oh no..I’m gonna have to wear my sunglasses.” He is so emotional about this. I know it will be hard on my family too. I hope the weather is nice. The weatherman doesn’t seem to think it will be, but rain or shine we will be there! Everyone is invited to come and hang out with us.

Megan's prom

Well Megan had her prom. She was a bit of a promzilla but in the end she looked beautiful and everything turned out nice. I had radiation that day so I got home just in time to do her hair. She only has 6 days of school left and then she graduates. I still can't believe it. She still isn't sure what she wants to do after school and I am not going to push her into going to college even though I know she should. She has some time to think and I hope she figures something out. She knows what I think she should do....lol

I had radiation #19 today and I am starting to get a really good tan! lol. It is so weird you can see exactly where they are doing the radiation. Today I found out they are sending me somewhere else to finish up because they will be doing maintenance on the machine at the hospital. I am kind of bummed because I am so used to going there and I love all the people, but I am sure everything will be fine where they are sending me. I am also bummed because the massage therapy that I was getting at the hospital was free and I don't know if I will still be able to get it at the new place. Aside from being really tired and achy I am getting through this ok. It's nothing like chemotherapy, but I can't wait for it to be over. I haven't worked in weeks but I know now that it is the best thing for me. I finally caved in and realized that I need to listen to my doctor and my husband.

I went to my Jeff's softball game tonight and the old man still has it! He is in the Michigan Softball Hall of Fame and I am so proud of him for that. He didn't want to play this year but I kind of talked him into it. I used to love watching him play when we were younger but the last few years he has lost interest but watching him tonight you can still see that he loves the game.

Well tomorrow is my birthday. I never got to excited about having one but I will appreciate every one that I can get now! I am going out to lunch with my mom and Sue after radiation and then when Jeff gets home from work we are going to go out for dinner if I feel up to it.

I added some pictures of the prom. I am still trying to figure out the new picture format they are using on the journal pages. I think you can click on a picture if you want to see it larger. As you can see I was dressed for the occasion...lol

Bead head day!

I had a good Mother’s Day. My kids made sure they told me how much they appreciate me and Jeffrey gave me some beautiful flowers, a candle and a mini food processor. Bonnie gave me some wind chimes and a really nice card. Megan rubbed my legs and feet and we talked about the prom coming up this Friday.

I went grocery shopping with Jeff Sunday. It is getting to be a chore once again like when I was on chemo but it had to be done. I have not gone in a couple weeks because I have ZERO energy. I get winded just walking around my house. Today I had radiation number 14 and they could tell when I walked in the door how fatigued I am. They said it was one of the major side effects of radiation. It is no where near as hard as chemo but it does have it’s side effects. I am starting to get red and sore. Today when I woke up I was ready to crawl back in bed again. I showered and got dressed and went to my appointment. I was on the elevator and was on the verge of tears because everything is starting to get to me. I have so much going on and I am so sick of doctors and hospitals. I was putting on my gown for radiation and again, on the verge of tears. I moped into the room when my name was called they could tell I wasn’t having a good day. It is so funny how they know and try to cheer you up. They are all so young! One of the boys could be my son, but I still whip out my boob and let them do what they have to do. So many people have seen my boobs at this point that it makes no difference to me who looks at them. When I was done I had to go have some blood work done and the lady that did it was so nice. She ended up giving me a hug and saying, “don’t give up now girl.” We were meant to meet today because she really made me get myself together and get out of the mood I was in. When I left there I went to the coffee shop in the hospital and got a piece of spinach pie and a white chocolate macadamia nut cookie and ate them in the car on the way home. That’s all it took, I was cured of the feeling sorry for myself day.

I start massage therapy at the hospital on Wednesday to help get my legs and hips moving again. I am still having a hard time walking and being on my feet for too long. I was sitting on the bed with my legs crossed the other day cutting out coupons and Jeff called me. When I went to get up I was  gimping around in pain for5 minutes. Lol. They say the massage therapy will do wonders for that so I am looking forward to it.

I am getting more hair! Today I woke up and looked in the mirror and actually had bed head! It was sticking up in one side and fuzzy. It is only about ¾ of and inch but it is starting to look like hair. I tried to put some 6 shampoo wash out color on it the other day to cover the grey but it washed out the first shampoo. I keep walking out of the house and forgetting that I don’t have a hat on then I have to creep back in and get my hat. One of these days I am going to have enough guts to lose the hat. Maybe another month or so it will be long enough.

I found something that Sharon wrote that is helping me get through today.

Dear God Above,

Please help me to deal with my anxieties.

Help me to be thankful for all the good things in my life.

Help me to be a good wife, a good friend, a good sister and daughter.

Please don’t let me dwell or be so concerned with what I don’t have or for the dreams I have in my heart that have yet to come true.

Let me realize that by keeping my faith in you and a prayer in my mind that those dreams could still come true.

Let me express my thanks to you for all the happiness I have known. For the many blessings that you have bestowed on me , and when I do get down and feeling low, please continue to help carry me through the rough times and on through to a better tomorrow, where I can see things in a different light.

 

 

Baby shower

I’m going along good with radiation. I am getting a little sore and my arm feels like it weighs ten pounds but I am good. I asked the doctor about it and she said that it is probably because I have to raise my arm way over my head and hang onto a pole everyday. I have some shooting pains every now and then on my left side under my arm and on my breast where they are focusing the radiation. The one thing that is driving me crazy is the fatigue. It is so bad. I get extremely tired throughout the day. I am also still having some side effects from chemo. I am so frustrated with my body. I have a hard time getting up after I have been sitting. My legs shake and then my knees and hips just don’t want to move. Once I get going I am good, but it is painful. She said it could take up to a year to get back my strength. A year! I don’t have a year, I have a grandbaby coming that is going to keep me hopping. I got some practice with that because I am watched my 3 month old great nephew. I forgot how demanding those little stinkers are. I fed him and burped him and then had to go change my clothes. Lol. He is so cute and such a good baby. I put cartoons on for him and he sat in his little chair watching like he really knew what was going on. I haven’t watched cartoons since my kids were little. Lol Sue and Steve usually watch him but Steve had surgery to remove his gallbladder and have a hernia repaired so Sue had to pick him up from the hospital. Steve is home now and so far Steve is recovering good.

We had the baby shower for Jeff and Bonnie and it turned out really nice. There were so many people there. It was so nice to see everyone. I think everyone had a good time. They got everything they needed to get started with the baby. My family has been great helping me with everything. I have no energy and they all just pitched in at the shower and made it happen. My friend Judy stayed and helped clean up and I was so grateful. That was so nice. I stressed over that shower for months and now it’s over. lol

Now I am starting to send out invitations for Megan’s graduation. I fear that everyone will think…oh no….another Ehrenberg party!! I am going to have her party early because the baby will be here in 8 weeks! Megan has been so good through all of this cancer stuff. It is her senior year and her mom is sick, so I really think she deserves this party. Her prom is May 18th. We borrowed a dress from someone and it had to be altered so I have to pick it up Thursday. It is just beautiful. When we went to the dress shop the lady said…“oh that is last years dress“….and I Megan goes,
“I know, I borrowed it from someone!” How grown up is that. She could have been a little snot about it and got mad about not having the newest dress that everyone is wearing, but she is happy with her dress and she looks just beautiful in it. I can’t wait to post pictures.

Yesterday my doctor told me that she doesn’t want me to go to work for a while. I have been really run down so she is concerned. I told her that I only watch kids eat lunch and clean up after them but she still thinks I need to stay home. I went to work Monday and was so tired that I just wanted to lay on the lunchroom floor. School ends soon and Jeff thinks I should just take the rest of the year off too but I am so stubborn. I will have to see how I feel in the next week.

 

 

 

Boy of Boy oh Boy!!

Boy oh boy oh boy! What a week it has been. My emotions have been all over the place. The minor stuff I can handle, like my fridge still being broke, and how much it is going to cost to fix it. It is the main board that controls the fan that was out so I have to get it replaced. I am not too fond of the guy that is fixing it but since I already paid them to come out and just look at it so I am stuck now having him fix it. If your wondering why I am not so happy with the guy..he just made a really stupid remark about cancer to me and I handled it good but when Jeff heard he was so pissed off! He called the company and told on the guy. I didn’t want him to but he was extremely mad. If you want to know what he said email me and I will tell you. I called and told them that my husband wanted someone else to come and do the work but he is the only one that works on refrigerators. Whatever. I am going to be so embarrassed when he comes back…not for me but for him! Some people just don’t think before they say things.

(UPDATE) I called in a new company to do the work AND it was much cheaper. I am out $55.00 but I don’t even care anymore!

And another minor thing is paint spilled all over my carpet in the van. Oil based paint! RED!! I got most of it up with turpentine but now my car smells awful..lol.

Ok…this one can be filed under the slightly major category…..one of my toenails fell off from chemo! I know…YUCK!!! I was horrified! Not only because it is gross but because it is sandal weather. lol

Today I went for my 7th radiation treatment. My cousin Debbie is at the same hospital because she just had surgery for uterine cancer. It makes the fridge and the paint drama just seem so trivial. I am so sick of bad news.

Yesterday when I was there I went to see her before surgery. She is in really good spirits. I told her that she can do this!! No matter what they throw at her she can do it!! I had to go home but my mom stayed with them through the surgery. The doctor told them that it was also in her ovaries, so she has to have chemotherapy. I feel so bad for her she is such a sweetheart. I went in and checked on her today when I went to radiation and she seems like she is in good spirits. When I was leaving they were getting her up to walk. I never realized how much we had in common. We talked about the T.V. shows we watched and had a really nice talk.

My friend Kim that has a journal just got bad news too. She has been battling along with me for months, and within the last week found out that she has spots in her lungs, spine and brain. She has been such an inspiration to me through my treatment and I would read her journal and know that I could face anything I was going through. I hate that she has to go through all the treatments again. I know it was hard for her the first time. The link to her journal is on my sidebar to the left of my journal. It's called "I Shaved My Legs for This?" She is such a good writer and has such a great outlook.

I am getting ready for the baby shower on Sunday. Only 8 more weeks and I will be a GRANDMA! I am so excited. I know the shower will turn out good but I am having party planning anxiety. Lol I have counted shower prizes and favors 5 times and I come up with a different number every time! Lol. I give up!! As soon as the shower is over I have to get Megan’s graduation party invitations out….yi yi yi…

My hair is growing in really good. I can get a nice lather going now too! I love it. I am still not ready to go without a hat or scarf though. I think within a couple weeks the world will get to see my new doo! I lost 3 more pounds since last Friday so that makes 10 pounds. It was all that bloat from the steroids and it is just melting off. I feel so much better and I even wore my jeans on Sunday.

So far the radiation is going good. I have a little pain but I can handle it. It is so depressing in the waiting room though. There are so many sick people out there. It is weird because I feel so bad for them, I don’t see myself like that. They might be thinking the same thing about me! lol