Drivers license pictures...YUCK!

I’ve had 3 zaps and so far I’m doing good. Monday I start on a regular schedule so that is good. I have so many appointments lined up for the next couple weeks. Radiation is a breeze so far and everyone there is so nice.

I have fallen into kind of a depressed mode lately. I don’t know why. It’s just not like me. I think when you go through something like this you keep going and doing everything you have to do to get better and it all just catches up with you after a while. I am frustrated because my mind feels good but my body is just not like it used to be. I can’t just bend over and pick up my dogs toy like I used to because now it takes everything I have to get up again. I walk up the stairs and have to stop at the top because I am exhausted. I walk down the stairs and my knees just don’t want to work. Chemo does a number on your body. Then coming off of all the steroids after you have been on them for 7 months is hard to adjust. I have lost 7 of the 20 plus pounds I gained from them though.

Jeffrey bought a new car last week and I had to do all the running around for it because with his new job he gets home when everything is closed. I had to go to the Secretary of State and get his plates and registration so while I was there I decided I might as well do all my stuff too. I had to renew our plates and I also had to renew my drivers license. I couldn’t mail it in this time I had to go up there and get a NEW PICTURE!!! Oh great, a nice new puffy faced, bald headed picture! So I wore my pink scarf, and my finest sweat suit and headed up to the DMV. I even wore extra eye liner. I was number 70 and they were on number 30 so I sat there and waited for my number. After about 10 minutes one of the ladies asked if anyone was here to renew their drivers license so I got line with about 10 other people. I told her I had plates to renew too and she said when I am done with my license I can sit and wait for my number to be called. It was my turn and I had my eyes checked then she started my paperwork. And then she whispered, I am just going to go ahead and do your plates now too! I was so thankful to her. She said you don’t need to be in here waiting in line with all these people. Who knew cancer had it’s perks! Ok now it was time for the dreaded picture, I stood there all proud and beaming with my little pink scarf on because there was just nothing I could do about it so I decided I was going to rock my pink scarf and just smile. Click…she took the picture, then she calls over the other lady…for some reason it was taking a full body shot of me….lol so they said…ok we are going to take one more…click…full body shot again. This went on and on and by the 5th time I was laughing so hard I couldn’t even pose for the picture. They took 7 pictures in all, and then decided they were just going to use my old picture! Can you believe it. I stood there in front of 50 people getting my picture taken 7 times and they use my old picture. Everyone hates that moment when you stand up and get that dreaded drivers license picture taken. It’s awkward and nobody likes to do it but by the time I was done everyone around me was rooting me on. So it all worked out in the end.

It is a beautiful day out today but I am so tired. I think I am going to go take a nap.

 

 

Radiation begins!

I waited ten days to hear from someone about starting radiation and this morning I get a call saying, can you be here at 11:45? Yikes no time to think! I was really nervous about it. I called my mom and she came to my rescue. Today was actually a dry run, I start tomorrow and I don’t really have a schedule yet. I have to do it at their convenience because there are no regular time slots open. So starting tomorrow I will go everyday except Saturday and Sunday for 7 weeks for a total of 35 treatments. That means I will end some where around June 12. I heard it takes longer to change your clothes than it does to do the treatment.

Today I had to lay on the table in the little form they made for me and this huge machine rotated around me and they made sure everything was lining up right. They also gave me a little bar code on a card that I have to scan everyday and it lets them know I am there for treatment. Then I go into the changing room and change into my lovely gown. Then I just wait for my name to be called.

My joints are still so sore from treatment that I feel like the tin man. I need an oil can. I have a really hard time walking up and down the stairs because my knees are so stiff. I couldn't figure out what was going on until my friend reminded my sister that I was on steroids for so long it is probably from that.

My refrigerator is still broken. Oh, it makes ice and I can use it but it is just not as cold as it should be. So I ordered the part (an evaporator fan) that I needed and put it on yesterday…guess what…still not working….I am so frustrated. I was sure it was that part because it was not rotating. Well, the new one isn’t either, which makes me think that something else runs that fan and needs to be replaced also. I may have to break down and call in a repair man.

I have so much going on right now that I am losing my mind. I have the baby shower, then I have the Relay for Life and then Megan’s graduation party! Thank god for my family, they are so helpful. Megan has the prom in between all this. I back into my hectic world. It’s funny how when I wasn’t feeling well everything was just going on around me and I didn’t even notice or care to get stressed out about it. I am just going to take a deep breath and let things fall into place.

Ms. Fix it!

I went to work today and aside from my joints being stiff I did really good. I was a little tired when I got home but still managed to go to the deli and get some stuff done around the house afterward. We have needed a new kitchen faucet for about 4 months now. It worked, but the hot water handle was broken so every time I needed to use it I had to reach under the sink and turn it on from there. Yes my man can put in windows but he’s no plumber.

Yesterday we went to Home Depot and bought the new fixture. Today when I came home from work it was sitting on the kitchen table and I walked by it about 5 times and then decided I was going to fix it myself! I crawled under the sink and turned off the water and then went and got a pillow to lay on and crammed myself under the cabinet and started wrenching. I got the first nut off no problem, but the other ones were stubborn. When Jeff came in from work all he could see was my feet stinking out from under the sink. I was so determined to do this myself but I just didn’t have the strength to get the rest of the nuts loosened so Jeff came to my rescue! When he got them loose I told him to get lost so I could finish it myself. He was laying on the couch saying “how’s it going in there Trish?” I called him in when I was done so we could watch the hot water flow out of my masterpiece. It was so nice to do something productive! I have always been the one to fix things around the house. I put the bathroom faucet on about a year ago, years ago I tore apart the refrigerator when the defrost timer went out and put it on myself. We got about 3 more years out of it and now Sue has it in her garage! My washer broke once and I took that apart and discovered it was just a wire that had come loose during the spin cycle. I added a phone line in Jeffrey’s bedroom when he was younger so we could hook up the internet in his room, and I can change electrical outlets too! I always watched my dad fix stuff around the house. He had four girls and I was the youngest. I would always hang around and watch and hand him the tools he needed. I knew what needle nose pliers were when I was five. I hate when I have to call in a repair man for something. My refrigerator is acting up and I have only had it for 3 years. My warranty went out in December so now it’s up to me. I guess I will be taking that apart soon and trying to figure out what’s wrong with it! Jeff can hand me the tools….lol

Today when I came in from work my dog was sitting on the couch waiting for me. I walked in and had the left the door open, so after I put my purse on the kitchen table I walked back in the living room to shut the door and said to Dabny (my dog) HEY LOVERBOY!!! And guess what????….the mailman was on my front porch putting the mail in my mailbox! OMG! I just crept away and then shut the door when he left. Hee hee. Can you imagine? A bald lady saying HEY LOVERBOY to the mailman! He must think I’m a nut job. How do you explain that one? “Ummmm. I was talking to my dog“….lolol

Jeff’s fiancé Bonnie spent most of Saturday in the emergency room because she was having a hard time breathing. She was getting ready to leave for work and you could see her gasping for breath. She called the doctor and they said to go to the hospital. They gave her a breathing treatment and it didn’t help at all, so they decided to do some test because they wanted to rule out a blood clot in her lung. Thank god that’s not what it was. She has a virus and they gave her an inhaler to use and she is doing much better. Her belly is getting so big! I got to hear the babies heart beat while we were there. I was sitting there listening to it thinking…that’s my little grandbaby in there! I am so excited. This baby is going to be such a blessing after all my family has been through. I just can’t wait to get my hands on the little guy.

Radiation

I went for my radiation simulation yesterday. This is where they set me up for my treatments. My mom, Pam and Sue came with me. I was a little nervous because I didn’t know what to expect. They called me back, and I had to lay on a table on and rest my head and shoulders on a foam block. It looked like one of the things that come in the box when you buy a new television.

It was covered in plastic and they poured some thick goopy stuff over it and then position me how they wanted me to lay. I had to lay with my left arm up over my head and hold onto a pole that was by my right shoulder. The foam got really hot until it hardened from the chemical. This took about 5 minutes. So there I lay holding onto the pole and my hand and arm are starting to fall asleep. It was driving me crazy, I just wanted to shake it out. I asked if I could move it but she said I had to hold it up there another 15 minutes. I couldn’t move because the doctor had to make some markings with magic marker.. I have X’s and marks all over me. Then they started to do a CAT scan, and the computer froze up. I finally got to put my arm down while they rebooted the computer and what a relief. I had to do the CAT scan again and then they had to tattoo some marks so they know exactly where to do the radiation. I’m not going to lie, it hurt! I had 4 tattoo’s in all. I got dressed and went out to where my family was waiting and when I saw them I started crying like a big baby. I don’t even know why! I think I am just sick of all the poking and prodding. I had to sit down for a little bit before we could leave. Oh before we left I dragged them all into the bathroom and showed them my magic marker marks and my tattoo’s! The tattoo’s are just little dots and only like little freckles. The girl that did them said my skin takes to tattoo ink really well and if I ever get a real tattoo it would come out nice. Hmmm should I get a tattoo?

Oh I have news! Jeffrey bought Bonnie an engagement ringand put it in her Easter basket on Sunday! He did such a good job, it is a beautiful ring. She was so excited and they were so cute. I was in the kitchen with Megan and we could hear them and we were clinging together crying. Hee hee.

I have to wait for a call from the hospital,they said 5-10 days before I start radiation. I am feeling so good lately that I am planning on working when I can. I already asked them to schedule me for after work. I have come such a long way already. When I look back now I can’t even remember how miserable I was!

Jinxed?

           

 

I went to my radiology appointment. Just getting there was fun. My mom was following Pam’s car because she had to go to work and didn’t know how long we would be there. So were driving along and a car just like Pam’s gets in between us. We turn right and Pam looks in the rear view mirror and guess what? No mom! She starts following the wrong car! Lololol. I had to call her on her cell phone and she picks it up and say’s…I know…I am following the wrong car…Then she finally catches up with us while we pull over and wait. We pull into the parking lot and you have to push a button and tell them why you are there so they can lift the gate…Pam does it no problem, mom does it…nothing…nobody answering her…she is sitting there getting frustrated and we are cracking up watching from our parking spot. They finally decided to open the gate for her after about 5 minutes. Lol

This visit was a consultation. I talked to my radiology oncologist. He is so nice. He is so determined that when he is done with me I won’t have to worry anymore. He told me “today I want you to start living like you will never have a reoccurrence.” He told me what to expect, fatigue, some tenderness, some people get radiation burns. I was concerned and he said that people with bigger breast and smaller breasts were harder to work with but mine was “just the right size for him” Then his face turned beet red!!! It was so funny and the three of us sat there choking back grins….Then I said…so your saying I have perfect breasts…lolol. Then we all started laughing.

I feel really comfortable with my doctor. He was so concerned and he also reassured me that having a lumpectomy was the right decision for me. This is something I have been wondering for a while now. I was second guessing not having a mastectomy. Then he was reviewing my records and said there were 2 spots of cancer in my breast. I knew this but Pam didn’t! She was a little freaked out about it. One was Invasive Ductal Carcinoma and the other spot was DCIS which is not an invasive cancer.

I go back Wednesday to get set up for my treatments. I have to lay on a piece of foam and they put me in the position they want me and then they will form the foam to my exact fit. They explained so much to me, Oh and get this, I can’t wear deodorant under my left armpit the 7 weeks of treatment! Ewww! And no deodorant soap either. I may not have any friends after this!! I can only use Dove or Ivory soap. Bonnie is so cute, she came home today from work with a bar of Dove soap for me.

I think my family is jinxed. Megan has a toothache, so I took her to the dentist to see what is going on, and she needs a root canal and a crown! $1,800. Are you kidding me? They sent her home with antibiotics and pain pills. It has been 2 days and she is still in pain. I have to figure out what I am going to do. We don’t have dental insurance but I have to get it fixed for her. I have the number to the dental school and I am going to call Monday and see if I can get her in. I’m still trying to figure out how they can charge that much, I don’t get it. Your at their mercy.

Now this morning Jeff called from work and I knew by the sound of his voice something was wrong. He threw his back out. He went to pick up a piece of steel and fell to the ground and lay there for 10 minutes. He called and told me to bring him something for pain. I got there and he was sitting in a chair. The man refused to leave work! He started hobbling around the workshop trying to help his friend finish building window frames. I wanted to take him to the hospital, but he said he had to get the frames done. I left there about 11:30 and he didn’t get home until 4:30. He is still in pain and said that if it is still there tomorrow he will go to the hospital.

My daughters boyfriend bought her a bunny for Easter! It is so cute! My dog is still trying to figure out if he likes it or not. So now we have a dog, 4 birds, a fish, a hamster and a bunny! In July you can add a baby to that list!

Megan made a video for me! It is so touching and she was so proud to show me.  She put it in her MySpace page. I cried when I saw it. I will try and post a link to it.

Happy Easter!

I have good news!

I have some great news! I went to the doctor today and found out that I am officially in remission!!! Yup That's right cancer free!! I have been waiting for the results for 2 weeks, it was a long 2 weeks, but Yay! I can move on to radiation now. I don’t even have to go back to the Docs for a month! After going every Monday for 7 months, that was music to my ears.

I celebrated until I got home and checked my computer and found out my friend from another journal who has been great support for me and going through this at the same time as me found out today she has a malignant tumor in her lung. She is a fighter I know she is. She is only 3 months out of chemo and now this. It is really hard for me to celebrate knowing what she has to go through. On my sidebar of my journal main page there is a link to her journal. It is "I Shaved My Legs For This?" Stay strong Kim.

I am feeling really good. Aside from being tired I think I might be getting back to normal. My mind is racing with things I need to do because I have done nothing for a few months now. My body is sore like I ran 20 miles and that is from just resuming normal activity! It is so nice to get out and see people. I went to work 3 days last week. I paid for it on Friday when every muscle in my body hurt from walking and wiping tables. That's good though. That means I am getting my strength back.

I have been thinking a lot lately. About this whole cancer thing. When I was diagnosed, I was so scared. I never thought I would hear the word "malignant" but when you do your life changes in a flash. You think....there is no way I am going to be able to handle this. I used to think about that before I was diagnosed. I would think, what if I get cancer one day like Sharon? What would happen if I lost all my hair? But guess what? You just deal with it. You go on and you do what you have to so you can get better. I fought so hard some days when I was on chemo, and there were even days when I told my husband and my family that I just couldn't do it anymore. Some days.....my worst days...Jeff would hear I can't do this anymore at least 50 times. There were days I just wanted to run out the front door away from myself. I would tell Jeff I just want to leave my body here on the couch and run away from it. He would encourage me and I would make it through another day. It hasn't been that long, only a month and 2 weeks since my last chemo, but I am already starting to look back and say...wow..it was hard but I did it!!!! I could not have gone through chemotherapy without all the encouragement I had from my family and friends and I just want to thank everyone. I got so many cards, gifts, phone calls and e-mails. It helped me through everyday. Some days when I was feeling my worst, I would get my bag of cards out and go through them and read the encouraging words. It would get me through another day on the couch. Now I am ready to move on to the next phase of treatment. I go to the radiologist Friday to get set up for radiation. I just want to do it and get it over with. I am looking forward to a great summer. I have so much to do. Baby shower, graduation party and the baby comes the first of July! Then I go camping in July for 11 days!!! I don't know how I am going to leave that new grandbaby!

About my hair, it is starting to grow and I am so used to not having hair and not going through the daily rituals of blow dryers and curling irons that I am thinking I like the no hair thing. But really I am looking forward to having hair on my head again just so I can lose the scarf, just like hair styles.....it gets old!! My eyebrows are filling in and I am starting to get eyelashes on my left eye. Yes just my left eye..go figure. Oh and my hair is growing in with a really weird bald man pattern. Hair on the sides and back, no hair on the top of my head and very front. Hee hee. This should be good.