My Breast Cancer Story, Eleven Years Later...here I go again.

I had a really nice Christmas. I felt really good. My mom on the other hand said every bone in her body hurt that day and that she prayed at church to take my pain away. Unfortunately for her it worked.  We had such a nice family Christmas. We played games and had a really nice dinner. The only problem I had on Christmas was mouth sores and my throat hurt. When I woke up the next morning my voice was gone, and it still is. It is coming back slowly. I went for my lab work on Wednesday and my white count was at zero. My ly, mo, gr, ly#, mo#, and my gr# didn’t even register. (I don’t even know what those are but they seemed pretty concerned). They put me on antibiotics and I have to do the “stupid shot” as I now call it. I hate doing it! It doesn’t really hurt too bad anymore, just burns when the medicine is pushed in, but I just hate poking that needle into my stomach. Last night I actually prayed to my sister Sharon to help me find the courage to just do it after I kept putting it ...

Can anyone be this miserable? I am so over this Breast Cancer thing. Here it is Christmas Eve and I can barely get myself off the couch. This treatment has really knocked me out. I am so frustrated. I don’t feel like getting dressed or moving. My mind wants to go, go, go, but my body will not. I don’t feel like watching television or reading, all I want is for the days to be over so I can try and go to sleep. Sleeps another story. I have been sleeping on the couch because I am up 10 times a night with hot flashes and I don’t want to wake up Jeff. I have watched every infomercial that is out there. This is what I have learned so far. I am sure I can now become a millionaire buying homes and re-selling them after I fix them up, I know I can have acne free, baby soft skin if I follow a simple 3 step regimen, I can Bedazzle anything in my house and make it snazzy. I can have a sparkling clean colon if I take a colon potion, I can put a blanket in a big bag and suck it into to a small squa...

I haven’t written in my journal in a while. I had a bad month. I am finally feeling good again. I went to work all week and did good. After the first hour I start to yawn uncontrollably and then I come home and sleep for 3 hours. I go for my 5th treatment on Monday and I am starting on Taxotere so I am a little nervous about what the side effects are going to be. With the Adriamycin and Cytoxan I have had mouth sores, nausea, constipation, diarrhea, headaches, bone aches, acid reflux, and hot flashes about 100 times a day! I have had no appetite but have managed to gain 9 pounds! The doctor said it is from the steroids. Jeff is all about me gaining wait. He says I need to stay healthy. I feel like a bloated toad. I have tried to write in my journal but it has been difficult. I am trying to keep my positive attitude but it’s hard sometimes. My eyelashes and eyebrows are starting to fall out so when I look in the mirror with no makeup on I think I look like an alien. My friend Patty tha...

Today is my dad's birthday. He died 2 years ago tomorrow. He was the greatest dad. My mom and dad had 4 girls so I know he must have gone crazy some days with all of us women in the house, but he never complained. He was so kind to my mom. He would do anything for her. They had a great marriage and a good life together. They did so much! He lived a full, fun life. I miss my dad. I miss his smile. I miss him singing songs and whistling. I miss his hugs. Here is something that my sister Sharon wrote about him. G rowing Up With a Dad Like You When I was a little girl I worshipped my daddy so much He always seemed more special than other daddy's I felt like the luckiest daughter alive Growing up was easier for me than most little girls Because I could talk to my daddy about anything He always listened and he always cared. When I was young he sang me lullabies When I got married he harmonized sweet blessings Still, as I grow older, When I close my eyes I here his sweet distin...

I had chemo #4 and I am still trying to decide if have recovered from it yet. I feel good in the morning, then about 2:00 comes and I start to feel it. So far I have a lot of nasuea and some mouth sores with this round. I’m done with the Adriamycin and Cytoxan part of my chemo, now I move onto the Taxotere for 4 treatments every 3 weeks. The Taxotere has less nausea side effects but it causes bone pain. uggh The last week has been emotional for me. Megan had a field trip and I didn’t know if I would be able to go with her. She was really looking forward to it. She talked to the teacher and they said if I feel good to just show up and it would be fine. Well, I ended up going with her. That was the Wednesday following my chemo. I felt really good in the morning, but I had a couple moments on the bus where I was thinking….what am I doing here. I just really wanted to be there with her. On the way home we had to stop by and pick out her senior pictures. I started crying when I saw them. ...