Bead head day!

I had a good Mother’s Day. My kids made sure they told me how much they appreciate me and Jeffrey gave me some beautiful flowers, a candle and a mini food processor. Bonnie gave me some wind chimes and a really nice card. Megan rubbed my legs and feet and we talked about the prom coming up this Friday.

I went grocery shopping with Jeff Sunday. It is getting to be a chore once again like when I was on chemo but it had to be done. I have not gone in a couple weeks because I have ZERO energy. I get winded just walking around my house. Today I had radiation number 14 and they could tell when I walked in the door how fatigued I am. They said it was one of the major side effects of radiation. It is no where near as hard as chemo but it does have it’s side effects. I am starting to get red and sore. Today when I woke up I was ready to crawl back in bed again. I showered and got dressed and went to my appointment. I was on the elevator and was on the verge of tears because everything is starting to get to me. I have so much going on and I am so sick of doctors and hospitals. I was putting on my gown for radiation and again, on the verge of tears. I moped into the room when my name was called they could tell I wasn’t having a good day. It is so funny how they know and try to cheer you up. They are all so young! One of the boys could be my son, but I still whip out my boob and let them do what they have to do. So many people have seen my boobs at this point that it makes no difference to me who looks at them. When I was done I had to go have some blood work done and the lady that did it was so nice. She ended up giving me a hug and saying, “don’t give up now girl.” We were meant to meet today because she really made me get myself together and get out of the mood I was in. When I left there I went to the coffee shop in the hospital and got a piece of spinach pie and a white chocolate macadamia nut cookie and ate them in the car on the way home. That’s all it took, I was cured of the feeling sorry for myself day.

I start massage therapy at the hospital on Wednesday to help get my legs and hips moving again. I am still having a hard time walking and being on my feet for too long. I was sitting on the bed with my legs crossed the other day cutting out coupons and Jeff called me. When I went to get up I was  gimping around in pain for5 minutes. Lol. They say the massage therapy will do wonders for that so I am looking forward to it.

I am getting more hair! Today I woke up and looked in the mirror and actually had bed head! It was sticking up in one side and fuzzy. It is only about ¾ of and inch but it is starting to look like hair. I tried to put some 6 shampoo wash out color on it the other day to cover the grey but it washed out the first shampoo. I keep walking out of the house and forgetting that I don’t have a hat on then I have to creep back in and get my hat. One of these days I am going to have enough guts to lose the hat. Maybe another month or so it will be long enough.

I found something that Sharon wrote that is helping me get through today.

Dear God Above,

Please help me to deal with my anxieties.

Help me to be thankful for all the good things in my life.

Help me to be a good wife, a good friend, a good sister and daughter.

Please don’t let me dwell or be so concerned with what I don’t have or for the dreams I have in my heart that have yet to come true.

Let me realize that by keeping my faith in you and a prayer in my mind that those dreams could still come true.

Let me express my thanks to you for all the happiness I have known. For the many blessings that you have bestowed on me , and when I do get down and feeling low, please continue to help carry me through the rough times and on through to a better tomorrow, where I can see things in a different light.