I Went For My Tests

Well I went for my tests. I won’t know anything until I go to my oncologist on Tuesday. When I went in for my mammogram my sister Pam and my mom went with me. I felt so bad because they had to wait while I was in there for about an hour and a half!  I felt like I was having deja vu . It was the same thing as last year. Take a film she leaves the room, comes in takes another. I have to say it really hurt. The left side because of my surgery and radiation and the right side because of my port! She had to squish my port into the machine to get all the breast tissue up to the muscle. She tried to pull the port aside and do the films, but she came back and said, “ I know this is going to be uncomfortable for you but I have to get the film with the port in it because I am not getting all the area he needs to read the film. Whatever, I bit my lip and let her do what she had to do and thought myself, you have been through worse, you can do this. Then she came in and told me he wanted to do an ultrasound. So I go in for the ultrasound, and she has me show her exactly where the lump is. Then she finds it on the screen. Then I say…“does it look bad?” and she says…well unfortunately I can’t say anything, and the radiologist on duty has NEVER come in and talked to a patient since I have been here in 7 years! She said there are 4 radiologist and only 2 will come in and interact with the patients. (one of them I had last year and he came in and told me that I needed to have a biopsy) Then she says, ok I am going to go have him take a look at these and I will be back to let you know if I need more views. Ok so I’m waiting…..waiting….and the door opens…here she comes…and who’s behind her….OH GREAT! It’s the radiologist. He came out of his office after 7 years just for me! He says it is so close to the chest wall they are having a hard time just calling it a cyst. He has me show him where it is and they do another ultrasound and he shows me the lump on the screen that looks to be the size of a extra large pea. Then he says, “you see that white spot?, that tiny white spot has the characteristics of a cyst but I just can’t be sure, so I think you need to have it surgically removed just to be sure.” Then I say thanks and all that polite stuff, he leaves the room and the poor ultra sound girls looks at me horrified and says….“OH MY GOD! I am so sorry, I should never have said he has never talked to a patient.” At this point I am sayingto her.. “it’s ok!” and “don’t worry”, I told her it was fine and I am not any more scared than I would normally be just because he decided to grace me with his presence.

OK on to the MRI today.

We walk in and there is no one in sight. So my mom goes on a hunt to look for someone. Here comes the lady she doesn’t seem to happy to be at work….uh oh….she gives me a clipboard full of papers to fill out and sign and then my moms cell phone rings..It’s Sue she is worried about me and wants to know what’s going on. The lady looks up from her desk and says to my mom, “you can’t use your cell phone in here, so my mom gets up and try’s to walk away, and the lady say’s, “you can’t walk around with it either.” Then my mom say’s to Sue, “ I have to hang up, I’m getting yelled at!” Then my mom hangs up and make a noise like PFFTTT! I just keep my nose in the papers and stay our of it. So she calls me back to do the MRI, yes she is doing the MRI. Miss pissy pants herself! GREAT! I have to have an I.V. so she starts to look for a vein, and at that point I’m thinking, ok she’s mad at my mom and going to poke the bejusus out of me now. So I say, “sorry about the phone thing”…Hee hee. I don’t think it worked because she missed a vein twice and finally had to move to another spot on my arm and missed again, then finally got it. She did finally warm up to me because I am just so easy going and talkative that I pulled her out of her funky butt mood she was in. The test went ok. I had to lay in a tube for 30 minutes with both of my boobs hanging through holes, on my stomach with my arms over my head like superman. It was just like last time, toward the end I started freaking out a little but just stayed focused and even started thinking about going camping to keep my mind busy. I’m just glad it’s over. I hate all the testing. I know it is going to be a part of my life from now on and I hate the thought of it. It makes me angry.

On a happy note, my cousin Linda is coming from New Jersey with her family to visit this Friday. I am so excited to see her. She has kept in touch with me throughout this entire ordeal. She calls and emails me all the time. She is such a sweetheart. Her kids are just beautiful. I can’t wait to meet them. It should be a nice visit. I am really looking forward to this.

Baby Jeffrey is filling out really good. He is such a good baby. He is starting to look at things and notice things around him. He will look at me when I talk to him. I have to say I am a big goof when it comes to him. I was like that with my kids too. I love him so much. My plan is to watch him grow into a man so I have to keep fighting no matter what is thrown at me. I look into his little eyes and can’t imagine not being here to see him grow. Cancer really sucks. It makes you think of stuff like that. You can’t help it. I know my family doesn’t want to hear stuff like that but it is my reality.

I am getting the camper ready for our vacation. I can’t wait to go. I am really looking forward to it. The van broke down last week so we had to get a new radiator and a new belt put on so we should be good to go. By the time we get everything ready to pull the camper we could have gone on a tropical vacation. But I am so content camping. I love it! I plan on floating on a raft in Lake Michigan and forgetting about everything for a while. I will miss my computer. I am taking my little television though. I can’t miss Big Brother! I love that show.