My Breast Cancer Story, Eleven Years Later...here I go again.

Oh lord, picking out a wig. A WIG!!!  ahhh when I walked in there was a little old lady in the wig chair who was there because she WANTED a wig. Me and my mom and sister walked in and started looking around until the lady was ready for me. Then she turned around and said ok who are we here for.....I could barely choke out the words.....I said. "meeeeee."   I almost lost it, but I bounced back and composed myself. Seriously, there is not much to choose from. The first one I tried on I looked just like my sister Sharon who passed away from breast cancer 12 years ago. Kinda freaked us out. There I was in the mirror with my sister staring back at me. My poor mom had a hard time I think. She was kind of quiet the rest of the trip. I tried on short wigs,  long wigs, scary wigs and finally found one I can live with.  It is shoulder length and flippy and cute. The only thing the one they had was plum color and I looked like a gothic chick. So I had to find a colo...

  Here is a picture of my daughter Megan and Me. Ok so I had my first Chemo. I woke up and took my anti nausea pill, slathered the numbing cream on my port-a cath and covered it in saran wrap like I was told to. My mom came over to take me for my appointment, when she got there I was putzing around the house until she finally said, "ok missy, quit stalling, lets go".  She was right, I was stalling. It's not that I was nervous I had found a calm the night before. I sat at the end of my bed and thought, ok this is it, I have to be strong and just do this. So off we went to chemo, by the time we got there I was clutching my Worry Stone. My daughter Megan wanted to go with me. I didn't  know if it was a good idea. She said, “mom I really want to be there with you,” so I let her come. When we got there, she sat on the floor with her head on my leg. Up to this point Megan has not shown too much emotion to me except for when she first heard the news and ran into the bas...

So tomorrow is my first chemo. I slept really good last night and got up early today and started cleaning. So far I have done laundry, cleaned the upstairs carpet, made 2 homemade chicken pot pies in case I'm not feeling good enough to feed my family tomorrow, cleaned the bathroom, and was referee for a bicker fight between Jeff and Megan. It helps to keep busy but there it is in the back of my mind....chemo...chemo...chemo..what an ugly word. I am going on information overload right now. I have read everything I could get my hands on to prepare for this. I have so much stuff running through my mind. Drink plenty of water, get biotene mouth wash for mouth sores, make sure I take my pill before I go for chemo. I have to make sure I drink lots of water, I'm not much of a water drinker, so I made some green iced tea. It is really good, although now I am peeing a wierd light green. I have already peed blue. That was when I had my sentinal node biopsy. They give you blue dye ...

I couldn't sleep tonight. I have too much stuff running through my mind. Just stupid stuff like, I have to clean the carpet, I have to get stamps tomorrow, I have to bring in my plants, I have to get the furnace cleaned, the dog needs a haircut. Then I started thinking about my friends and family and how great everyone has been since I was diagnosed. I always knew I had great friends and relatives. I have received so many cards, phone calls, and e-mails from people who are concerned about me, some of whom I have not talked to in a long time. I love that I can hear from someone who I haven't talked to for a while and we can pick up right where we left off.  Our lives are so busy but when it comes down to it your friends and family are always there for you when you need them.  I was at work yesterday and a boy who happens to be in a wheelchair said to me, "you look so pretty today, I wish I had a camera so I could take a picture of you." I thought that was ...

Ok so yesterday I had a poor me day. I cried most of the day. I cried on the phone to my mom, my sister, on the way home from work and on the way to meet my family for lunch. I am starting to realize that I am going to lose my hair. Anyone who knows me knows I have A LOT of hair! I have very thick long hair that I wrestle with every time I wash it. It takes about 40 minutes to blow dry. I have to do it in sections, clip some up blow dry that, let another section down and blow dry that. Then from there I use a straightener. Same routine. I have bitched and complained about this for years, however, last night as I was going through my ritual I was standing there staring at this poofy mess and I just couldn't take it. I lost it, right there in front of my kids. They both came into the bathroom to comfort me as I complained how awful I am going to look without hair. They both told me I would look cute. Ha cute. I don't think so. Oh, another thing...I have never noticed so man...

On the way home from breakfast yesterday I mentioned to Jeff that there was only one more week until chemo, and how scared I was. He said, "that's only one week away until you start getting better!" Of course I wasn't looking at it that way. I feel good. I don't feel like I have to get better. Sure I have been feeling lousy from the pain medication from the surgery but all in all I feel pretty good! I am just not looking forward to feeling lousy from chemo. Jeff also said, "I can take you losing your hair, I can take you without a breast, (which thank god I didn't have to lose), I just can't take losing you, so you have to get better." He's so sweet. Today he came out of the  bathroom with a scarf on his head and said, look I'll wear one too, ears in or ears out! He is such a goofball. Earlier in the week I had modeled a scarf for him and gave him a sneak preview and asked him....ears in or out, and he told me how pretty I looked with a s...

On the Monday following my surgery I decided to call the office for my results. They said they were not in yet and the doctor would call me later if they came in. Jeff came home from work and we went to the store. When we came back in, we listened to our messages and there was one from my doctor, he wanted me in his office at 10:00 the next morning to talk about the biopsy results. This is where I lost it. I told Jeff that there was no way this was going to be good news. I called my sisters and they came right over. We listened to the message and analyzed the Doctor's words and tone trying to figure out if it was good or bad, in a way I already knew what it was, but was being hopeful. August 22, 2006 My mom and sisters came with me to the Doctors. Jeff wanted to and I told him to go to work. I know it sounds mean but I knew he would be devastated to hear the news from the doctor and I told him it might not even be bad news! Dr. Turfah came into the room where me and my entourage ...

I always feared this would happen to me because of my sister Sharon. She died from breast cancer. I've always had my mammograms since she was diagnosed because of the risk factor and family history, I just really never thought it would happen to me. This is how it all came to be. I starting having pains under my left breast, so one night while I was laying in bed watching television, I started feeling around and found 2 little lumps, and 1 larger one. I always checked so these came up pretty quick. I went and told my husband and he could feel them too and his response was, "make an appointment" that is always his response to all my little health concerns I throw at him, but this time he meant it. He was scared. I was due for my mammogram and pap test so I called the Doctor the next day. I went in for my exam and she checked the lumps and told me to go for my mammogram as soon as possible. It was in the same building so I went right away and made the appointment. By the t...