My first Chemo and Thank God for Lidocaine

 

Here is a picture of my daughter Megan and Me.

Ok so I had my first Chemo. I woke up and took my anti nausea pill, slathered the numbing cream on my port-a cath and covered it in saran wrap like I was told to.

My mom came over to take me for my appointment, when she got there I was putzing around the house until she finally said, "ok missy, quit stalling, lets go".  She was right, I was stalling. It's not that I was nervous I had found a calm the night before. I sat at the end of my bed and thought, ok this is it, I have to be strong and just do this. So off we went to chemo, by the time we got there I was clutching my Worry Stone.

My daughter Megan wanted to go with me. I didn't  know if it was a good idea. She said, “mom I really want to be there with you,” so I let her come. When we got there, she sat on the floor with her head on my leg. Up to this point Megan has not shown too much emotion to me except for when she first heard the news and ran into the basement. I had to go get her and tell her everything was going to be fine. She was doing fine just talking with me about wigs and stuff when a lady and her husband walked in. She had a scarf on her head with a cap and you could see her bald head underneath. She sat next to her husband and put her head on his shoulder. That’s when Megan broke down. She looked up at me and said, Momma. I don’t want you to be like that.” She cried with her head in my lap until she was all cried out.

When they called my name my stomach dropped and off we went to my doom. I had a private room with a television and a recliner and guest chairs. I sat down and that is when my nerves took over again. I was shaking.

The nurse came in and it was time for the thing I feared the most…..accessing the port for the first time. It had been so sore and I just couldn't imaging it being poked at. She took off the saran and prepared it…… OK….. This is it…….POKE…….guess what?…I didn’t feel a thing. Thank god for the lidocaine cream. And to think I lost sleep over THAT!!

First the nurse gave me some Ativan for my nerves because I was ready to jump out of skin. About five minutes later I was getting sleepy and looking at my mom and Megan through one eye. OK I was ready….bring it on!!!

It was time for my chemo. First came the Adriamycin. This one was pushed into my I.V. by the nurse very slowly. While she’s doing this she told me that I will pee red for a couple days…great I’ve peed blue, green, and now red. As she was pushing the drug into my body, I imagined…what could be going on in there…was it doing it’s job? I hope so.

The next was the Cytoxen. That took longer and was in an I.V. drip. I watched it drip until I final curled up and fell asleep.I woke up and Megan and my mom walked me out to the car because I felt a little wobbly.

When I got home I crawled in bed. My mom got me settled and had to go to work. Jeff came home and loved me up and told me he was glad I was on my way to getting better. Jeffrey rubbed my legs and feet. And Megan cleaned the house. Then my best friend Annie came over and we laid in my bed and cried together. My mom is staying over for a couple days. I could not do this without her. I need her now.

All in all I feel ok today. Not great just ok. I have a terrible headache. I’ve had it all day.

My mom keeps telling me to go and lay down, but I’m a busy body.  I stopped and put my head against the cold kithcen doorway to ease my head pain and I looked up at the ceiling fan and gasped. Next thing you know I'm on a chair in the kitchen with the murphy's oil soap and a rag, that is until Jeffrey screamed GRANDMA....come see my mom!! That was the end of that....grandma finished cleaning the ceiling fan. I think I will take her up on that and go to bed. I’m tired.

 To all my message board and journal friends that are going through this….I’m thinking of you!!! We can DO this!!