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Nearing the end of treatment and trying to hang in there!

 

Hi. I’m Trish’s sister, Sue. She is feeling pretty crappy these days, so while I was over today I told her I would type her journal while she dictated it to me! Love you Trish. Here’s her latest:

Went to the doctor last Monday and he was concerned so he sent me for a mammogram. I was having a lot of pain near my incision. I was really nervous but I got through it ok. Got the results - everything is OK - THANK GOD! Went to the grocery store with Jeff on Sunday - even after I had an episode where I had almost passed out. I’m so exhausted - no energy at all. Jeff decided that I should get one of those motorized carts. I walked up to the cart and just stood there looking at it. When Jeff came in from parking the car, I busted out crying. I didn’t want to have to use one of those carts. So I finally had enough nerve to sit down and push the button to start the cart - and nothing…so I decided to walk. I made it down past the deli and to the milk section before I decided that I couldn’t go any further. And so back we went to look for a cart that worked. A lady found us one that worked, and I got in and pushed the button and…ZOOM - HEADED STRAIGHT FOR THE PASTRY DISPLAY. I looked back and Jeff was cracking up. I got the hang of it, but every time I turned the corner I almost ran into something. Then I realized that I can change the speed. All in all it was a humiliating experience. I do have to say though, from my new perspective I saw things on shelves that I never even knew the store carried. Everyone should hop on one of those carts at least once to see what they are missing - ha ha. After that fun experience I met my mom and Sue for breakfast and could barely eat. I came home and slept the rest of the day.

My toes are so sore. It is a side effect from chemo.  Did you ever watch the Flintstones and see Fred’s toe when a rock falls on it? It’s throbbing away, WAH-WAH-WAH - and looks about 100 times bigger - that’s what they feel like.  I can't put my shoes on. When I went to the doctor on Monday, I carried one of my shoes because my toe hurt so bad.

I’m so frustrated - I just want to jump out of my skin. I know I am close to being done, but I don’t think I can take this anymore. I just want to feel normal, and I am afraid I won’t ever feel normal again. I know I will, but it’s so hard to stay positive sometimes.



 

 

Comments

Anonymous said…
{{{Trish}}}  You are soooo close!  You can do it!!  And now you have skills, cart driving skills.  I bet you saw a bunch of sugary treats that they put down there for the kids to whine to mom and dad to buy.  That and the Metamucil.

I didn't know you had a boobie scare.  I'm so glad it's okay.  The worries never end.

It was very nice of your sister to type in your entry.   You must really be feeling bad.  But it'll be over soon!!  REally!!

TAke care, Stephanie
February 7, 2007 at 10:38 PM
Anonymous said…
I ventured out to the mall during chemo (Christmas time) and got all the way to the food court and wished someone would come and get me and carry me back to my truck....I never knew such exaustion...every step took more from me. As far as normal goes its a new normal, but you adjust. 5 weeks post chemo and I'm still having trouble with my fingers and my toes...can't tie my shoes, open soda cans etc. anything small motor skills and Im screwed......but damn did my fingernails grow strong! lol lol lol

We did it Trish...we made it through surgery, we made it through chemo and we will make it for years to come....we HAVE to believe!
February 8, 2007 at 8:00 AM
Anonymous said…
I'm so very sorry you are feeling sick. I remember how Fred's toe looks when it's throbbing. LOL. Funny but not really. Happy you didn't run over anyone in the cart. It's ok that you had to use one. Hi Trish thanks for adding a comment for Sue. Hugs to you.

February 8, 2007 at 8:16 AM
Anonymous said…
 I am so sorry you are feeling so bad.  Think I will pass on the cart experience, I would probably knock over a can display and really make a scene.  Could you possibly have gotten gout?  It seems weird that it would concentrate on one toe.  Hang in there.  We are all doing the countdown with you.  Thanks Sue for typing this for her.  Sisters are so great.

                 Julie
February 8, 2007 at 8:27 AM
Anonymous said…
I'm sorry you feel so crappy. BUT.. am so proud of your courage. It isn't easy to go through something like this. I've never had too, but my younger sister did. It was horrible to see her go through so much. I'm so grateful you have a caring, loving, sister.
Hugs, and much love,
Barb- http://journals.aol.com/barbpinion/HEYLETSTALK
February 8, 2007 at 12:19 PM
Anonymous said…
Hi Guys. Sue, thanks for getting Trish's entry in. Trish, you are constantly in my prayers, I want you to know that. And I know how scary having breast cancer is, and how crappy it makes you feel, but you are such a beautiful woman, inside and out and I only wish the best for you always. You encourage me to keep on fighting, with your humor and strength. You're not alone when you said you got upset about having to use a cart to go shopping. My husband insisted I use the cart, he did not want me to fall on the floor in the middle of Walmart. Well, I was very, very resistant, but he said if I didnt, he would take the grocery list and do it himself and leave me sitting in the car or on the bench at the store, and leave me home next time. Well, I know my husband, give him a list, even write details after the item, like the brand name and size and he will still come home with half of the stuff wrong. So, I got in the cart, and sat there for a couple minutes, crying, thinking, now its come to this? Well, I got over that and we just went on our third trip with me using the cart, and I am glad to have it. And I cant believe how polite people are when you are in a wheelchair, they feel like they arent quick enough to get out of your way and say things like, oh I am so sorry, (for being in the way I guess). So thats been a good thing about having to use a cart. And like she said, it will be a "new" normal for us now. Nothing is like it was before. So hang in there, and keep up the good spirits and before you know it, spring will be here, and so will be a rebirth of not just the leaves on the trees and the flowers, but we too will begin our own rebirth, and get into our 'new' normal once again. Take care, we love ya! Blessings, Barbara
February 8, 2007 at 12:25 PM
Anonymous said…
Thanks Sue for puttitng Trish's words in her journal.  You just hang in their Trish, know it's not fun times, but you're getting through it and will do well and be back feeling your normal self again......right now it's not easy to see that.....you just keep a positive attitude dear, you've made it this far, you can do it, I know you can.....bless you....Arlene (AJ)
February 8, 2007 at 6:58 PM
Anonymous said…
Trish, honey, thank goodness for those carts, eh?  Enjoy the free ride while you can, because you will be hanging with the healthy in a few more weeks.  I remember well the painful feet from chemo.  My feet STILL bother me sometimes.  Especially if I've been sleeping or sitting for a while.  I will get up to walk, and those first few steps just kill the bottoms of my feet.  Never had that, until I had chemo.  But.. the little aches and pains that chemo sometimes leaves you with, are well worth the end result.  Your renewed good health! :)

I also know that feeling of not knowing if you can get through just one more chemo.  You can do it though.. It's just one more and then you will be done!  Hang in there my friend... and.. I will still be here for you.  I may have left my journal, but I didn't leave you.. :)

Hugs and love
Jackie

February 10, 2007 at 11:03 AM
Anonymous said…
Thanks so much for the update Sue.
Trish keep that great sense of humor girlie...sorry you have been feeling so crappy lately....hoping you start to feel better real soon!  Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers...
Hugs,
Terri
February 10, 2007 at 8:19 PM
Anonymous said…
Trish, less than 1 week now my love until your last treatment!!!!! I know you will still have to go through the pain one more time, but we will help you through it. We are all coming with you and we'll go celebrate before the side effects start settling in. I love you and i am so proud of your strength through all of this. Pam
February 15, 2007 at 11:33 AM
Anonymous said…
Trish....Hang in there.....after all the suffering you have been through .......

Hugs
Jayne
February 17, 2007 at 7:04 PM
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