Merry Christmas

Can anyone be this miserable? I am so over this Breast Cancer thing. Here it is Christmas Eve and I can barely get myself off the couch. This treatment has really knocked me out. I am so frustrated. I don’t feel like getting dressed or moving. My mind wants to go, go, go, but my body will not. I don’t feel like watching television or reading, all I want is for the days to be over so I can try and go to sleep. Sleeps another story. I have been sleeping on the couch because I am up 10 times a night with hot flashes and I don’t want to wake up Jeff. I have watched every infomercial that is out there. This is what I have learned so far. I am sure I can now become a millionaire buying homes and re-selling them after I fix them up, I know I can have acne free, baby soft skin if I follow a simple 3 step regimen, I can Bedazzle anything in my house and make it snazzy. I can have a sparkling clean colon if I take a colon potion, I can put a blanket in a big bag and suck it into to a small square that will fit in the silverware drawer, and I can dance my way into losing 20 pounds in a week.

I am really trying not to be so down but I think because it is the holiday and I am so used to being such a busy body, that’s what is so hard. At this point I don’t even know if I forgot anyone on my list I am so confused. I didn’t even do my Christmas cards. I bought them, but I never wrote them out.

I only went to work 1 day last week. But they did ask me if I would come in for a little while and I thought it was to exchange our presents. Megan had to drive me because I was not feeling good at all. I had a lot of bone pain, so I had to take pain medication. I didn’t even get dressed. I had my sweats on and a t shirt. When I got there the Principle asked me to go down to the gym and wait for them. So there I am sitting in a chair and they are getting ready for a teacher vs. student basketball game. Before the game started, they called me out onto the gym floor in front of the entire school and said that the kids have been having a fundraiser selling ice cream and they presented me with the money they raised. I couldn’t believe it. I started crying. I was so overwhelmed. It is really going to help my family out. I have so many medicalbills and deductibles for my medicine and I have not been working alot. I also make my car payment with my check so that has been hard too. How nice of them to do that for my family. When I looked up in the bleachers and saw all the kids clapping and smiling, it was so emotional for me. I still can’t believe they did that.

Jeff took me to the store today to get some last minute things for Christmas. While he was checking out at the dollar store I had all I could do not to sit on the floor in a heap and wait for him. I wanted to get my kids some stocking stuffers. I know they are older and I did tell them no stockings this year but I laid on the couch and it drove me crazy that I didn’t get them anything for their stockings.

My mom and Sue came over this morning to visit after church. I cried when I saw them because I am so miserable. I try not to cry in front of my mom, but I just lost it. I had a bad night and sometimes you just need your mommy! She cooked breakfast for us. Pancakes, sausage, eggs, hash browns! It was so good! I loved their visit.

Megan got her senior pictures. I am so proud of her. She looks just beautiful. I think about when she was born and how she had to struggle because she was a preemie. (3lbs. 4 ounces) I can’t believe how time flies and how she is so grown up and she will be graduating in June.

I want to wish everyone a Merry Christmas! I hope you all have a wonderful day.