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Bead head day!

I had a good Mother’s Day. My kids made sure they told me how much they appreciate me and Jeffrey gave me some beautiful flowers, a candle and a mini food processor. Bonnie gave me some wind chimes and a really nice card. Megan rubbed my legs and feet and we talked about the prom coming up this Friday.

I went grocery shopping with Jeff Sunday. It is getting to be a chore once again like when I was on chemo but it had to be done. I have not gone in a couple weeks because I have ZERO energy. I get winded just walking around my house. Today I had radiation number 14 and they could tell when I walked in the door how fatigued I am. They said it was one of the major side effects of radiation. It is no where near as hard as chemo but it does have it’s side effects. I am starting to get red and sore. Today when I woke up I was ready to crawl back in bed again. I showered and got dressed and went to my appointment. I was on the elevator and was on the verge of tears because everything is starting to get to me. I have so much going on and I am so sick of doctors and hospitals. I was putting on my gown for radiation and again, on the verge of tears. I moped into the room when my name was called they could tell I wasn’t having a good day. It is so funny how they know and try to cheer you up. They are all so young! One of the boys could be my son, but I still whip out my boob and let them do what they have to do. So many people have seen my boobs at this point that it makes no difference to me who looks at them. When I was done I had to go have some blood work done and the lady that did it was so nice. She ended up giving me a hug and saying, “don’t give up now girl.” We were meant to meet today because she really made me get myself together and get out of the mood I was in. When I left there I went to the coffee shop in the hospital and got a piece of spinach pie and a white chocolate macadamia nut cookie and ate them in the car on the way home. That’s all it took, I was cured of the feeling sorry for myself day.

I start massage therapy at the hospital on Wednesday to help get my legs and hips moving again. I am still having a hard time walking and being on my feet for too long. I was sitting on the bed with my legs crossed the other day cutting out coupons and Jeff called me. When I went to get up I was  gimping around in pain for5 minutes. Lol. They say the massage therapy will do wonders for that so I am looking forward to it.

I am getting more hair! Today I woke up and looked in the mirror and actually had bed head! It was sticking up in one side and fuzzy. It is only about ¾ of and inch but it is starting to look like hair. I tried to put some 6 shampoo wash out color on it the other day to cover the grey but it washed out the first shampoo. I keep walking out of the house and forgetting that I don’t have a hat on then I have to creep back in and get my hat. One of these days I am going to have enough guts to lose the hat. Maybe another month or so it will be long enough.

I found something that Sharon wrote that is helping me get through today.

Dear God Above,

Please help me to deal with my anxieties.

Help me to be thankful for all the good things in my life.

Help me to be a good wife, a good friend, a good sister and daughter.

Please don’t let me dwell or be so concerned with what I don’t have or for the dreams I have in my heart that have yet to come true.

Let me realize that by keeping my faith in you and a prayer in my mind that those dreams could still come true.

Let me express my thanks to you for all the happiness I have known. For the many blessings that you have bestowed on me , and when I do get down and feeling low, please continue to help carry me through the rough times and on through to a better tomorrow, where I can see things in a different light.

 

 

Comments

Anonymous said…
I can't imagine how scary radiation must be!
Missie
May 14, 2007 at 6:37 PM
Anonymous said…
Trish... those times when you feel down, and like you just want to sit in a corner and cry.. that's normal.  You aren't feeling sorry for yourself, sweetie.  You are going throught ALOT.  You've been through a lot, and it gets to you, after awhile.  No matter how optimistic and cheery you are, there are just those days when you are sick and tired of being sick and tired!

I'm glad that phlebotomist that drew your blood was there to give you that much needed hug.  Sometimes that's all it takes to make your day just a bit better.  We often don't realize how that simple little "hello, how are you?" or "don't give up, now" or just a hug that says "I care".. can mean to someone who is feeling depressed and sad.

You're gonna make it through this, sweetie!  Hang in there!

Love, hugs and prayers

jackie

PS  I loved that prayer that Sharon wrote.  Very heartfelt..

May 14, 2007 at 8:51 PM
Anonymous said…
Hi Trish ~ Continuing to pray for you and hoping you have more "good" days, then not.  Or at least a box full of chocolate macadamia cookies.
Blessings,
Irene
http://journals.aol.com/alwaysireneann/meet-me-at-the-breakfast-table
May 14, 2007 at 10:36 PM
Anonymous said…
Keeping you in my prayers...Don't get too hard on yourself for having a down day...you earned the right to feel like crying sometimes...but now you got yourself back in the saddle and ready to ride this ride again.  Keep hanging on and don't let go!  You are going to win!  Big hugs,TerryAnn
May 15, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Anonymous said…
Love that prayer, I'm going to keep that one for my moment of need ! Thanks for sharing it.  
May 15, 2007 at 1:21 AM
Anonymous said…
I am happy you had a good mother's day. It's so nice to have such wonderful nurses who care and can tell how you are feeling. You are going through a lot right now. I'm so sorry.

May 15, 2007 at 7:09 AM
Anonymous said…
Trish

I know how you feel at times but hang in there it get better everyday.
I just read the saying Sharon wrote and I started to cry but it really true of what she said.

I would like to see you guys I hope I can.

Love you
your cousin
Linda, Tony, AShley & Gina
May 15, 2007 at 6:40 PM
Anonymous said…
I just found your journal, and read back to your first entry.  That was like deja-vu to me!  Ten years ago my sister was diagnosed with breast cancer, and a month later, so was I.  I had a lumpectomy, four months of chemo, six weeks of radiation, then four more months of chemo.  I cried for ten minutes when I found out, then thought, ok, time to suck it up.  I was a good patient, did everything they told me to do, even though my significant other at the time was somewhat less than helpful.  I lost half my hair, got fat and bloated ( I remember the doc telling me my meds would probably make me gain weight, and I said, "great, I have cancer and I thought it would at least make me skinny!") My docs and nurses were so wonderful, really, really terrific at their jobs.  Long story short, I barely think about it anymore, and neither does my sister, and neither will you ten years from now.  Hang in there girl!
Betsy
May 18, 2007 at 5:52 PM
Anonymous said…
Good food can be good therapy sometimes.  Heck, a lot of the time!  All that back and forth to the hospital has got to be wearing.  You can do it!  You are halfway through, arent' you?  I hope the massage therapy is as nice as it sounds.  You deserve it.  Bed head - he-he!  :-)
stephanie
May 18, 2007 at 11:11 PM
Anonymous said…
I'm just now getting around to putting journals on alerts for this new s/n.  Glad you had a great Mother's Day.
Hugs,
D
http://journals.aol.com/heavenlybama/journey-to-success
May 19, 2007 at 10:55 AM
Anonymous said…
(((((trish)))))) I received your package and I wear it to every radiation that I go to....my rads only last 90 seconds, but I get peace running my fingers over the tiles of the bracelets that were sent to me.  Loose the hat slowly, like when you go down to get the mail, or take trips out in the yard...with summer time coming again, goldylocks will be unbearable, and I'm not much of a baseball cap wearer, so I did by some of those caps in blue,white,pink and black that have a cute little twist on them that you can either wear in the back or the front..I have to keep my already radiation burned fore head and scalp from burning anymore with sun damage. It took me almost 3 months to get over the leg pain and soreness but it does get better!

Love to you!

K.
May 22, 2007 at 9:14 AM
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