My Breast Cancer Story, Eleven Years Later...here I go again.

My mom is finally home! I went picked her up today. She is feeling really good. And I have great news! Her thyroid biopsy was benign!!! We are so relieved. She has to follow up with the cardiologist in 2 weeks but they seem to think that her heart rate was dropping due to the surgery because all of her tests came back good. I took her to get her prescription and she was so happy because it only costs $4.00! She has to be on it forever so she was worried it was going to cost a fortune. Sam’s Club has a deal with certain prescription drugs and they are all $4.00! So if your paying a lot somewhere else go check out the list and see if your drugs on there. I asked the guy if there were any chemo drugs and he laughed and said are you kidding me! lol I did see the lidocane that I use on my port to numb it before chemo, and I pay a higher copay with insurance so I may be going there soon. As for me I am having a really good day. I feel great. I have chemo on Monday, so just like last ti...

Having a long weekend. My moms still in the hospital, she is doing great with the surgery, but her heart rate slowed down. She saw a cardiologist this morning and they are running some tests on her to see what’s going on. We are still waiting for the pathogy report on her thyroid. The doctor said it looked good but that is the same thing they told my family when I had my lumps removed so I am waiting until I hear the final report before I celebrate! I spent all day Friday and Saturday with her. She kept telling me to go home and take a nap but I just wanted to be there with her. I finally asked her if she would leave me and she said no, and I said see mom I'm staying! I laid in a chair next to her bed and had a pillow and blanket and she said they are going to come in her and not know who the patient is....hee hee....I am on my way up there now and her only request is a bottle of Diet Vernors. I’m sure I'll find some other goodies to take her. She might come home today if all t...

I have something I want to share with everyone. Some of you know my sister Sharon died from breast cancer. What you don't know is that she was a great writer. I have read her thoughts before but now they have a whole new meaning to me. When I would read them I would always think about what she must have been going through at the time, and now I know. She was an inspiration to me and to everyone around her. Here is something that I came across that I can relate to in certain ways. I know I have some friends out there that have had mastectomies that will find this a great inspiration. It is called Self Love. Today I will make friends with the area of my body that has been through surgery. I will look at myself in the mirror and not think of myself as disfigured just because I look different. I will focus on the fact that once, where there used to be a mound of flesh, there is now a flatter more hollow surface that, when touched, puts me that much closer to my heart and soul.  I wi...

I  went to work today. The kids were all staring and asking questions about my new look. The boys thought I shaved my head just because I wanted a new hairdoo and the girls all gave me hugs and just kind of knew what was going on without too many questions.  I had a little anxiety walking into the lunch room for the first time with my hat on, but it turned out ok. I feel like I have to explain why I am not wearing a wig. I just don't feel comfortable in it. I feel like I am playing dress up. I will wear it now and then but for everyday I'm liking the hat and scarf. I had my lab work done today and my counts are a little low so starting Wednesday I have to give myself a shot until Sunday. My mom is going to do it for me. She has to have surgery on Friday so the nurse showed me how to do it myself and I think I can do it! My mom is having her thyroid removed Friday morning. She is kind of nervous about it. They will have to check it for cancer and it is really worrying us. I tol...

I had my second chemo on Monday and so far so good. Aside from a little fatigue and stomach stuff going on I'm doing ok. I may have overdone it yesterday though. I went to the Look Good Feel Better class that the American Cancer Society offers. It was wonderful! I have been volunteering with the Realy for Life for 4 years and I actually got to see what some of our money has been going for. My mom and Sue went with me. Then of course the lady that was running it had to go and do the tupperware introduce yourself game. I was the last one and when I opened my mouth I said my name and why I was there and how my family is here and how much they support me and I have 2 kids and then I started crying.....oh god! Then my mom and Sue were crying. I got over it once I opened the bag and saw all the goodies though. They gave me a big bag just filled with makeup, and I am talking good makeup! The kind I walk past in the department store and dream about! They showed how to put on your eyebrows ...

O.K. It's official, I'm a baldy!  My head was itchy and sore and I had so much coming out that I decided I had enough.  My mom and sisters came over and we put it into about 8 ponytails. Jeff cut them off so I can donate it to the wig shop where I got my wig. They make wigs for little kids so I decided that would be a good idea. Then Jeff shaved my head while my family all watched and cried with me.  All I could think was why wasn't I like one of those strong women who shave their heads to feel in control.  I know it was hard for Jeff to do, but he really wanted to be the one to do it.  Once it was done I was glad. It felt so good.  And don't worry, it wasn't all sad, we had fun too. When he was almost done I broke into a Sinead O'Conner song...Nothing Compares To You!  I washed my head in the sink and I think everyone had fun taking turns lathering up my bald head.  Sue rubbed some skin relief cream on my head and I was loving it. Jeff ...

Well I went to the doctor and my blood count is low. They warned me it would happen. I have a throat infection, possibly strep throat. I have to go in every day and get a shot. It will help my white cells. The nurse gave me the shot in the arm yesterday, and I it hurt so bad! It is like getting stung by a wasp only worse! You can't rub it afterward for some reason and that's all I wanted to do to take the sting away. I felt it all the way to the car. I went in today and was dreading it. I asked the nurse if the stomach would be better and she said we could try it. It freaked me out but what could be worse than yesterday in the arm! I have to say I didn't really feel it in the stomach. I felt a little burn afterward and now I have a bruise, but I will take the stomach over the arm any day. My hair is really shedding. Yesterday I wore a ponytail and hat just to keep it from shedding all over the house. I'm just not ready to shave it off yet. We were driving down the str...

Halloween, what can I say. Sharon loved halloween and she would have parties and even had a haunted hayride in her backyard for the kids.  This weekend was spent at the little league haunted house. Sue and Pam worked really hard this year to get it ready and they did a great job. My entire family volunteers.  We have so much fun.  We all have our spots in the house and love to scare people! My mom even comes and works.   Friday I felt really good other than having a headache, so I went up there with my husband. I had a hot chocolate at about 10:00 and by 10:15 I knew it was a wrong move.  There I was in my scary hiding spot in the house feeling sick, with a barf bag in my lap, waiting for the next victims to come by to scare. I went out to the van when we had a break and told Jeff, I have to get home NOW!! I made it home just in time. Let's just say, no more hot chocolate for me.  I had a good weekend. I had a headache on Saturday, but today I felt fan...

Oh no, I think it is starting to happen. My head is feeling wierd. Like zingy feeling. Am I ready for this? I can't imagine myself with no hair. Little spots on my head are feeling itchy and tingly.  This is what has depressed me the most, but now I wish it would just happen. I have been feeling really good. I've been going to work and I have great friends there. They are so concerned for me. Today my friend gave me a pretty Breast Cancer Ribbon Pin made of pink rinstones.  It's beautiful. I pinned it on my sweater as soon as she gave it to me. I have wore these before, but this time it was just a different feeling to put this pin on and know that it was meant for me. I am learning to accept the fact that I have Breast Cancer. I know I have it, I am living it, but sometimes it just seems like a bad dream. I guess in a few days when my hair is gone, It will become a HUGE reality.

Thursday when I was feeling good we went out on my second wig shopping trip and had a good time. I did find a wig. It wasn’t the one I originally picked out but it is really nice. We also went to The Josephine Ford Cancer Center because my friend at the American Cancer Society recommended it. They had a room we could go in and pick out whatever I wanted. I picked out 6 little knit caps and 2 blonde bombshell wigs just for Jeff. Hee hee. Friday I went to work and it felt good to get out of the house and go someplace other than the doctor. The kids are starting to ask questions and I am just being honest with them. They will find out sooner or later when I show up with a scarf on my head. A teacher at school made me 3 beautiful scarves! She had her own battle with cancer last year and she couldn’t find anything to fit her head right. She made her own so she wanted to make sure I had some too. I thought that was so nice. What a thoughtful thing to do! Her hair is growing back now and it ...